18 hours ago

What an Avoidant Man Actually Wants, and The Part Nobody Talks About

If you've been dating an avoidant man and you can't quite name what you've been tracking — this is for you. There's a paradox he can't articulate, and you've been guessing for your whole relationship. Today it gets language.

👉 Ready to stop performing your way through this? Book a 1:1 discovery call with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com

👉 If he's willing to do the work, send him the companion men's episode "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" on the For The Boys playlist.

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You are not crazy. You've been tracking something real. The fact that you can't quite name it is part of what makes the experience so disorienting — and it's the part the dating advice industrial complex never explains. In this companion episode to last week's For The Boys release, Leslie names what an avoidant man actually wants (yes, both things at once), why most online advice for women dating avoidant men is actively harmful, and what to do instead.

In this episode:

• The paradox he's been asking you to solve without telling you (and probably without knowing it himself)

• Why "have your own life" as a strategy doesn't work — and what does

• Performed distance vs. the real thing: why his nervous system can tell the difference instantly

• Leslie's own story: the four-month discard, the conversation that changed everything, and what she learned saying no

• The 5 things to actually do when you're dating an avoidant man

• How to tell the difference between a healing avoidant and an unhealed one (this is the whole game)

• Why "the full life is the point, not the bait"

This episode pairs with For The Boys Ep. 4: "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" — same information, written for the man on the other side of this conversation.

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🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADS

Pulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores attachment, dating, divorce recovery, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living.

🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE

• Website: https://theloomlife.com

• Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

📬 DROP A COMMENT

Did this land for you — especially section 5 on whether he closes the gap? Tell Leslie below.