Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

'Til death do us part is the easiest vow you'll ever make, and that's exactly the problem.This is Part 2 of The Six Words, a series about the promise almost all of us have made and almost none of us have questioned. In Part 1, I traced where those words came from, and how "'til death" once meant roughly nineteen years, not sixty. This episode asks a harder question: not how long the promise lasts, but how little it costs to make it.Standing at the altar, forever asks nothing of you the next morning. And the research on long marriages keeps landing in the same place: once we're certain someone isn't going anywhere, we quietly stop courting them. We save our warmest, most patient selves for coworkers, friends, and strangers on the internet, people who could actually walk away, and hand the person we promised the most our leftovers. The security the vow was meant to give us is the same security that can turn into stagnation.So I want to offer a different promise. Smaller, harder, and braver: I still choose you. Forever points at a future you can't see or control. Still points at this ordinary morning, this actual person, this real relationship with all its wear and tear. You can only keep that one by staying awake to it. This one is for anyone considering marriage, in a marriage, or wondering whether they'd do it differently next time. Noblame the whole way through.▸ WATCH PART 1 FIRST: https://youtu.be/QELnaOhElTUCHAPTERS00:00 — Forever Is the Easy Vow (The Backwards Idea)00:55 — Welcome to Part Two of The Six Words01:50 — Recap: Where 'Til Death Do Us Part Came From02:40 — What Does the Vow Actually Cost You?03:35 — The Overnight Shift: "Now We Can Coast"04:10 — Gray Divorce and a Promise That Never Checks In05:10 — Why We Save Our Best Selves for Strangers06:10 — Turning Away: The Micro-Moments That Disappear07:25 — Leslie's Own Marriage: "Everything Changed"08:25 — What the Research Says About Long Marriages09:40 — When Security Turns Into Stagnation10:30 — Owning the House vs. Renting the House11:55 — Nobody Has to Put Up With You Forever12:45 — This Is Not About Making Your Partner Afraid13:45 — The Higher Bar: "I Keep Choosing You"15:15 — "Still" Points at Right Now16:35 — You Don't Need a Ceremony to Start Choosing Again18:05 — Coming Next in the Series + Where to Find SupportWORK WITH MEIf this landed and you want to do this work with support, book a 1:1 discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-callFIND ME EVERYWHERECoaching & podcast — theloomlife.comTherapy practice (Florida) — loomlifetherapy.comPersonal site — leslieellenmathews.comInstagram — @the.loom.lifeTikTok — @leslieellenmathewsA NOTE ON SUPPORTThis episode touches on relationship strain, divorce, and the grief of feeling unchosen. If you are struggling, you deserve realsupport. In the US, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Outside the US, find a helpline in your country atfindahelpline.com.Subscribe so you catch Part 3, on why we fall out of love, and why nobody warned us.Keywords: marriage vows, 'til death do us part meaning, why marriages fail, gray divorce, taking each other for granted, howto rebuild connection in a marriage, staying in love long term, relationship coaching, marriage advice for couples, personalgrowth podcast for women#PullingThreads #TheSixWords #MarriageAdvice #GrayDivorce #RelationshipGrowth

“Till death do us part” was written in 1549, when the average person lived to 43. It promised about 19 years. Today it is asked to cover 57. Same six words. Nearly triple the sentence. And we have been quietly blaming ourselves for the difference ever since. If you have ever stood in a hard season of a long marriage and wondered what is wrong with you, this one is for you. ───────────────WORK WITH MEBook a 1:1 coaching call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call─────────────── In this first episode of a new series, Leslie Mathews pulls apart the most sacred six words we have. Not to argue against marriage, she is emphatic that she is not anti-marriage, but to ask whether a promise calibrated for two decades can honestly carry five. She traces the vow back to Thomas Cranmer and the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, where the original line read “till death us depart.” She looks at what changed between then and now: gray divorce, longer lives, remarriage, and a legal system that makes leaving punishing. And she makes the case that the problem is not the length of the promise at all, it is that we confused the word with the thing. Forever is easy. It costs nothing at the altar because it asks nothing of you tomorrow morning. Presence is hard. Presence is choosing someone on an ordinary Tuesday when the dishwasher is broken and nobody is watching. And if your marriage already ended: you did not fail at forever. Forever was never the thing. The choosing every day was the thing. CHAPTERS00:20 The Warning: I’m About to Ruffle Some Feathers01:10 A Promise Written When People Died at 4302:30 Welcome to Pulling Threads03:00 To Be Clear: I Am Not Anti-Marriage03:50 Thomas Cranmer, 1549, and “Till Death Us Depart”04:30 The Math Nobody Tells You: 19 Years05:30 Gray Divorce and the Glow-Up06:10 From 19 Years to 57 Years07:00 Where the Shame Actually Comes From07:50 My Own Nineteen Years08:40 Blame the Programming, Not Yourself09:30 Forever Is Easy. Presence Is Hard.11:10 The Loom: Cloth Left Unattended Unravels12:45 The Irony, We Stop Trying Because We Promised13:35 Keep Dating the Person You Married14:20 What Would You Promise Now?15:00 If Your Marriage Already Ended THIS IS PART 1Over the next few weeks: the research, what an unhappy marriage does to your body, the pushback, and the vow I would write instead. Subscribe so you catch the rest. ALSO FROM THE LOOM LIFETHROUGH, divorce coaching for women, mentioned in this episode:https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram FIND METhe Loom Life → https://theloomlife.comLoom Life Therapy → https://loomlifetherapy.comLeslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram → https://instagram.com/the.loom.lifeTikTok → https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews A NOTE ON SUPPORTThis episode touches on marriage strain, divorce, and grief. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. In the US you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. Outside the US, findahelpline.com will point you to local support. Nothing here is therapy or a substitute for it. TELL MEWhat would you promise now, knowing what that word actually asks of you? I read the comments. Keywords: till death do us part meaning, wedding vows history, marriage vows explained, gray divorce, how to heal after divorce, rebuilding identity after divorce, long marriage problems, personal growth podcast for women over 40, mental health podcast for women, relationship coaching #TillDeathDoUsPart #MarriageVows #GrayDivorce #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreads

Trauma bonding is not weakness. It is neurobiology. In this teaching session, therapist andcoach Leslie Mathews explains exactly what happens in your brain and body inside an emotionallyabusive relationship -- and why leaving is so much harder than anyone outside it understands. Ready for structured, guided support through your divorce? THROUGH is my 8-week divorcecoaching program for women: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram ABOUT THIS EPISODE If you have ever asked yourself why you cannot just walk away -- or why you keep going back tosomeone who hurts you -- this episode is the answer, and it has nothing to do with your character. Leslie walks through the four-stage cycle that keeps people bonded: idealization and love bombing,devaluing and gaslighting, the discard and silent treatment, and hoovering, when the charm comesback and pulls you in again. She explains intermittent reinforcement -- why unpredictable warmthbuilds a far stronger attachment than steady, reliable love -- and then breaks down the specificbrain chemistry underneath it: dopamine driving the seeking and the craving, oxytocin physicallyreattaching you to the person hurting you, and cortisol and adrenaline holding you infight-or-flight, hypervigilance, and walking on eggshells. She also explains why the prefrontal cortex -- your rational, decision-making brain -- goes offlineunder chronic stress while the amygdala takes over, which is why it becomes so difficult to thinkyour way out of a relationship that is harming you, and why distance from the person makesclarity possible. The session closes with cognitive dissonance: the experience of holding two contradictory truthsat once -- this person is harming me, and this person is my person -- and how the mind minimizesharm to survive that contradiction. Plus the practical ties that keep people in place: money,children, a shared home, a future already built. Staying is not a character flaw. It is a neurobiological one, and it can be understood and undone. This episode opens with a short grounding meditation. If you would like to skip straight to theteaching, use the chapters below. This is Part 1 of a series. Upcoming episodes cover how to leave, and how to protect yourself ifyou are choosing to stay. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT YOU WILL LEARN - The four phases of the narcissistic and emotional abuse cycle, and how each one hooks you- Why intermittent reinforcement creates a stronger bond than consistent love- What the craving to reach out actually is -- and why naming it as chemical changes everything- The role of dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol, and adrenaline in keeping you attached- Why your thinking brain goes offline and your survival brain takes over- What a trauma bond is, and why you cannot fight what you believe is only love- How cognitive dissonance minimizes harm, and how to recognize it in yourself- Why letting go of the shame is the first real step in recovery CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome -- who this session is for02:20 Grounding meditation05:40 Why the neuroscience removes the shame07:00 A personal note from Leslie10:15 The abuse cycle: idealization and love bombing11:40 Devaluing, coldness, and gaslighting13:10 The discard phase and hoovering13:45 The covert devaluing most people miss14:45 Why the relief is what hooks us15:45 Intermittent reinforcement explained16:45 Dopamine and the chemical craving19:15 Oxytocin and physical reattachment20:45 Cortisol, adrenaline, and the offline thinking brain22:20 What a trauma bond actually is24:15 Cognitive dissonance: holding two truths at once26:00 Eroded self-worth and the ties that keep us27:45 Staying is not a character flaw28:30 What is coming next in this series SUPPORT RESOURCES If you are in immediate danger, call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) -- call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat atthehotline.org. Free, confidential, and available 24/7. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US) -- call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Outside the US, please search for your local domestic violence or crisis line. - WORK WITH LESLIE The Loom Life -- coaching, programs, and resources: https://theloomlife.comLoom Life Therapy -- therapy for clients in Florida: https://loomlifetherapy.comCONNECT Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.lifeTikTok: https://tiktok.com/@parandpeace --------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this episode helped you, the most useful thing you can do is subscribe and leave a comment --it helps someone else searching for this at 2am actually find it. Please note: this episode is educational and is not therapy, diagnosis, or a substitute forindividual mental health care or safety planning.

Burnout recovery is not a personal willpower problem — and if you are a working parent trying to hold a demanding job and a full life at the same time, this conversation will name something you have been carrying quietly.Leslie sits down with Jessica Lattif, founder of Not Working in Tech, a platform and community challenging toxic workplace culture and the myth that burnout is just the price of success. Jessica spent more than a decade in the tech industry, rising to senior engineering manager, before a string of illnesses, a chaotic team, and a performance plan led her to take medical leave — and never go back.Together they get into what actually drives burnout: the unspoken cultural rules that punish anyone who is neurodiverse or simply unconventional, the impossible math of caregiving alongside a job that expects round-the-clock availability, and the way hustle culture asks individuals to solve problems that were never individual to begin with. Jessica also shares why she now tells clients to take the leave they have already earned, and what it looked like to rebuild a working life on her own terms.If this one lands, the invitation at the end is simple: you do not have to figure out the next chapter alone.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━WORK WITH LESLIE━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-callCoaching + programs → https://theloomlife.comTherapy (Florida clients) → https://loomlifetherapy.comLeslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram → @the.loom.lifeTikTok → @leslieellenmathews━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━CONNECT WITH JESSICA LATTIF━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━Not Working in Tech → https://www.notworkingintech.comInstagram → @notworkingintechTikTok → @notworkingintechLinkedIn → https://www.linkedin.com/company/not-working-in-tech━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━CHAPTERS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━00:00 Welcome & meet Jessica Latif01:18 Growing up between cultures and feeling like an outsider07:30 From nutrition policy to sustainable seafood13:15 An unexpected path into tech15:15 Career pivots, imposter syndrome & starting over17:25 "Family friendly" doesn't always mean parent friendly18:10 What working in tech was really like21:00 Burnout, motherhood & becoming the first parent on leave23:15 The job that pushed her to the breaking point27:30 How burnout quietly builds over time30:00 Can employers access your mental health data?33:20 Why taking leave can change everything36:10 Entrepreneurship, hustle culture & the social safety net40:35 How Jessica helps people recover from burnout42:40 Why burnout isn't something to solve alone45:00 Hidden resources most people never hear about47:10 Building Not Working in Tech49:45 Why teachers, healthcare workers & parents are burning out53:00 Why young people are rethinking work and family54:10 Envisioning a healthier future for work55:10 Final thoughts and Closing━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━SUPPORT RESOURCES━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━This episode discusses burnout, workplace discrimination, and mental health. If you are struggling, support is available.US — call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)Outside the US — find a helpline at https://findahelpline.comThis podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or legal advice.━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━KEYWORDS━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━burnout recovery, working mom burnout, tech industry burnout, toxic workplace culture, taking medical leave for burnout, neurodivergent at work, hustle culture, life coach for women in transition, mental health podcast for women, career burnout support#BurnoutRecovery #WorkingMomBurnout #ToxicWorkplace #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife

Rebuilding confidence after starting over doesn’t happen all at once. It happens one small, brave choice at a time. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Cammy De shares what it really looks like to reclaim your voice and take up space again while you’re still in the middle of healing.Cammy didn’t expect to be starting over at forty. A mother of three, farmer, speaker, and stand-up comedian, she’s rebuilding her life after leaving an abusive marriage and business partnership, walking away not just from a relationship, but from a successful career, a way of life, and the communities that came with it. Instead of waiting until she has it all figured out, she talks openly about healing in real time: the uncertainty, the grief, the small wins, the laughter, and the surprising ways we find our way back to ourselves.She and Leslie get honest about the fog that only lifts once you get distance, why confidence built on achievement can vanish overnight, and what it means to rebuild, a career, a voice, and a sense of self, without an existing platform. They also talk about the tools that actually help: humor, stand-up comedy, listening to your body, and letting healing move in seasons.In this conversation:• Living a “double life,” confident in public, silenced in private• How clarity comes only after you create distance• Rebuilding confidence from who you are, not what you’ve done• Finding the joke in what was meant to hurt you• Reclaiming your voice (and the surprisingly hard “mirror practice”)• The role AI, algorithms, and podcasts played in her healing• How to know when to rest versus when to push forwardIf you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else and lost touch with your own voice, this one is for you.👉 Follow Cammy: @Cammy.De.Speaks on Instagram and Facebook.💬 If this resonated, leave a comment with the one small brave thing you did today, and subscribe for more honest conversations about rebuilding, reclaiming your voice, and taking up space.⏰Chapters:00:00 Welcome & meet Cammy De00:40 Starting over after divorce at 4001:45 Building a successful farm while being silenced05:10 Why clarity only came after leaving09:25 "The clarity came when I walked out the door"11:20 Gaslighting, finding support, and rebuilding confidence17:25 Leaving everything behind to reclaim herself22:45 Finding her voice after abuse24:40 Rebuilding confidence from within28:30 Starting over one small step at a time32:00 Using comedy to reclaim power33:05 Reclaiming your voice after being silenced42:40 Why hearing other women's stories matters43:35 Learning to rest instead of constantly pushing49:45 Healing through life's seasons54:00 Recreating the life you thought you lost56:35 Celebrating small wins while healing1:02:00 The relief that comes after divorce1:05:30 "You are worth it"1:06:40 Where to find Cammy DeKeywords: rebuilding confidence, starting over at 40, reclaiming your voice, healing after abuse, taking up space, healing in real time, midlife reinvention, rebuilding your life, women rebuilding, finding your voice again#RebuildingConfidence #ReclaimYourVoice #StartingOver #TakingUpSpace #PullingThreads

The neuroscience of why heartbreak physically hurts — and how to rewire a brain stuck in survival mode. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie Mathews welcomes her first-ever male guest, mental health creator and coach Collin Patrick, for an honest conversation about overthinking, emotional regulation, and rebuilding a life after everything falls apart. After a near-fatal motorcycle accident left him bedridden for months — during the same stretch his marriage ended — Collin turned a season of grief and recovery into a deep dive into neuroscience. Together, he and Leslie unpack why your brain keeps steering you back toward familiar pain, why feeling stuck is a pattern problem (not a motivation problem), and what real emotional regulation actually looks like day to day. They also get candid about men and anger, the pressure of “be the man of the house,” and the difference between leading and simply managing the people you love. WHAT WE COVER • How overthinking becomes a learned habit that quietly shapes your identity • Why heartbreak registers in the brain like a physical injury — and what that means for healing • The pull of “familiar pain over unknown peace” and why we repeat relationship patterns • Clarity over solutions: what most self-help gets wrong • What anger is often masking for men — and the emotions underneath it • How small, daily wins compound into real, lasting change CHAPTERS 00:00 Welcome — meeting Collin Patrick01:15 The motorcycle accident that changed everything05:00 Hitting rock bottom and facing himself08:00 How healing led him to neuroscience10:30 Your brain is doing exactly what it was programmed to do13:00 Why self-awareness matters more than quick fixes16:30 Trauma bonds and the chemistry of attachment20:00 The neuroscience of heartbreak and emotional pain24:30 Why survival mode disconnects you from yourself27:00 Familiar pain vs. unknown peace31:00 Small daily choices that rewire the brain38:00 Why lasting change comes from tiny wins43:00 Reacting vs. responding with intention47:00 Healing your identity instead of chasing motivation53:00 Confidence is built through evidence, not affirmations59:00 Reprogramming your brain for happiness1:03:00 How Collin helps people transform their lives1:06:00 Where to find Collin and his resourcesCONNECT WITH LESLIE — THE LOOM LIFE Coaching & podcast: https://theloomlife.comTherapy (Florida clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathews CONNECT WITH COLLIN PATRICK Instagram / TikTok / Threads: @Collin.Patrick.Health Still Moving Journal: https://collinpatrickhealth.gumroad.com/l/stillmovingjournal 1:1 coaching: booking link in Collin’s Instagram bio WORK WITH LESLIE If this conversation resonated and you’re ready to understand your own patterns and rebuild from a steadier place, Leslie offers 1:1 coaching. Book a free discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call A NOTE ON SUPPORT This episode touches on grief, trauma, addiction, and the aftermath of hard relationships. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to navigate it alone. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Outside the U.S., findahelpline.com lists free, confidential support in your country. Keywords: neuroscience of heartbreak, why heartbreak hurts, survival mode nervous system, overthinking, emotional regulation, healing after a toxic relationship, trauma bonds, men’s mental health, nervous system regulation, how men heal after a breakup #MentalHealthPodcast #Neuroscience #HealingJourney #MensMentalHealth #PullingThreads

What happens when a high-achieving wife and mom walks away from a 15-year, six-figure career to heal her body, her marriage, and her family? In this conversation, Kayla Licari shares how leaving her physician assistant career unraveled the deeper truth she had been carrying, chronic back pain, chest pain, anxiety, and a marriage held together by white-knuckling and self-abandonment.Kayla and Leslie unpack what it really looks like when two people heal alongside each other through complex PTSD (CPTSD), nervous system dysregulation, and the cycles of rupture and repair that most couples never get language for. This is honest, embodied conversation about the science of the nervous system, the wisdom of the body, and the slow daily work of rebuilding intimacy, including the parts most podcasts skip over: low libido as data, self-abandonment as the hidden cost of high achievement, and how to broach the hardest conversations with your partner without it blowing up in your face.Whether you're in the messy middle of your own healing, considering whether your marriage can come back to life, or simply trying to understand why your body keeps speaking up when your mind says everything is fine, this episode is full of practical, compassionate insight.TIMESTAMP00:00 Introduction to Kayla Licari02:00 Leaving a 15-year PA career05:00 Burnout, stress, and choosing family first08:10 Financial security vs. self-abandonment12:00 Why high-achieving women struggle to ask for help14:00 Understanding complex PTSD18:20 How childhood experiences shape relationships22:20 Healing together instead of growing apart30:00 Navigating conflict through nervous system awareness37:15 How unhealthy relationship dynamics affect your health42:00 When growth together can save a relationship46:20 Stress, libido, and emotional connection52:10 Staying connected through marriage and parenting58:00 Receiving love, pleasure, and intimacy01:04:45 Why every challenge can strengthen your relationship01:08:15 How to talk about intimacy without blame01:12:15 What to do when you've lost desire01:16:00 When staying isn't the right choice01:19:10 Healing together changes every relationship✦ WORK WITH LESLIE ✦→ THROUGH, 8-Week Divorce Coaching Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram→ 1:1 Coaching, Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com→ Loom Life Therapy (EMDR & IFS): https://loomlifetherapy.com✦ CONNECT WITH KAYLA LICARI ✦→ Instagram: @kayla.licari→ Instagram: @happywivesandhusbands✦ FOLLOW LESLIE ✦→ Website: https://theloomlife.com→ Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com→ Instagram: @the.loom.life→ TikTok: @leslieellenmathews✦ IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT ✦• Leaving a six-figure career to prioritize family, marriage, and health• Body symptoms as nervous system messages, back pain, chest pain, anxiety• What complex PTSD (CPTSD) actually is and why it isn't in the DSM• Healing alongside a partner with complex trauma• Individual work vs. shared work in a marriage• Rupture, repair, and abandonment wounds• Low libido as data, what your body is telling you about your marriage• Lifestyle drivers of sex drive (sleep, sunlight, alone time, connection)• How to broach hard conversations without defensiveness• Setting boundaries with partners, kids, and family• Authenticity and the full-body yes✦ MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ✦→ When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté→ Internal Family Systems (IFS)→ EMDR therapy→ Esther Perel→ Human DesignSubscribe so you don't miss new episodes of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity. If this episode resonated, the kindest thing you can do is leave a rating and review. It helps other women find this conversation.Keywords: complex PTSD healing, CPTSD in marriage, nervous system regulation couples, healing marriage trauma, rupture and repair, low libido marriage, somatic healing women, leaving high-achieving career, burnout recovery women, IFS parts work, self-abandonment, holistic marriage healing#PullingThreadsPodcast #TheLoomLife #MarriagePodcast #NervousSystemHealing #CPTSD #WomensHealing #BurnoutRecovery

If years of over-functioning have left you feeling checked out, numb, or disconnected from your own life, this episode is for you. Sex therapist and intimacy coach Dr. Tabitha Taylor joins Leslie to talk about what it really means to reclaim intimacy from the inside out — and why it starts with you, not your partner.🌿 Ready to feel like yourself again after divorce or a breakup?→ THROUGH — Leslie's 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram🌿 Grab Tabitha's free Gentle Reconnection Guide:→ https://drtabithataylor.comABOUT THIS EPISODEOver-functioning women often don't realize how far they've drifted from themselves until exhaustion, numbness, low libido, or a quiet sense of "I'm not really here" forces the question. In this conversation, Leslie and Dr. Tabitha Taylor unpack the quiet cost of self-abandonment — and how reconnection can be a gentle, micro-moment process rather than another performance to perfect.Together they explore why intimacy is so much more than physical, what "reclaiming intimacy from the inside out" actually means, and how trust and safety within yourself are the real foundation for trust and safety with a partner. Leslie shares her own embodiment story — including the EMDR moment at 47 when she realized she was feeling sensation in her body for the first time — and the post-divorce period of self-discovery that changed everything about how she experiences intimacy now.Whether you're in a relationship that's drifted into autopilot, walking through a divorce or breakup, or in the in-between period of rediscovering who you are, this episode is an invitation to come home to yourself.IN THIS EPISODEWhat "living checked out" looks like — and the early signs of disconnectionWhy self-abandonment is invisible to the person doing itHow over-functioning trains your nervous system into numbnessWhat reclaiming intimacy from the inside out really meansWhy trust and safety within yourself comes before trust with a partnerThe difference between performing intimacy and being present in itHow to start with micro-moments instead of another self-improvement checklistSelf-pleasure, anatomy education, and reclaiming pleasure post-divorceWhy becoming connected can change — or end — relationships, and why that's okayWORK WITH LESLIE🌿 THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram🌿 1:1 coaching & discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com🌿 Therapy services: https://loomlifetherapy.com🌿 Leslie's website: https://leslieellenmathews.comCONNECT WITH LESLIE🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life🌿 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathewsABOUT TABITHA TAYLORDr. Tabitha Taylor is a Licensed Professional Counselor, certified sex therapist, and intimacy coach. She helps over-functioning women heal from disconnection, self-abandonment, and living checked out — reclaiming intimacy from the inside out through nervous system healing, reconnection, and self-led intimacy. She also hosts the podcast Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out.CONNECT WITH TABITHA🌿 Website: https://drtabithataylor.com🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/drtabtaylor🌿 Facebook: Tab Taylor Coaching🌿 Coaching group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/drtabcoaching🌿 Email: drtab@drtabcoaching.com🌿 Free Gentle Reconnection Guide: available at https://drtabithataylor.com🌿 Tabitha's podcast: Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside OutRESOURCES MENTIONED🌿 OMGYes.com — anatomy and pleasure education referenced in the conversation🌿 Sex With Emily — podcast referenced by Leslie🌿 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) — Leslie's mindfulness trainingSUBSCRIBE TO PULLING THREADS, WEAVING AUTHENTICITYIf this conversation resonated, please subscribe, rate, and share. New episodes weekly.TIMESTAMP00:00 Introduction01:34 Intimacy Is More Than Sex04:52 What Intimacy Really Means06:13 Signs of Self-Disconnection09:20 Self-Abandonment12:10 Reconnecting with Yourself15:08 Choosing Yourself Without Guilt17:10 Reclaiming Intimacy20:18 The Divorce Glow Up22:12 Staying Connected Daily24:02 Why We Disconnect26:41 When You Change, Relationships Change30:31 Body Awareness & Intimacy35:35 Mindfulness & Embodiment40:46 Simple Reconnection Practices42:10 Knowing Your Body44:15 Trust & Vulnerability47:27 Presence Over Performance50:12 Why Pleasure Feels Difficult53:00 Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce56:28 Rediscovering Yourself59:00 Tabitha's Work01:03:34 Final Thoughts and ClosingKEYWORDSreclaiming intimacy, self-abandonment, over-functioning women, disconnection, living checked out, self-connection, intimacy after divorce, women's pleasure, nervous system healing, somatic healing, divorce recovery, self-pleasure, embodiment, women's mental health#ReclaimingIntimacy #SelfAbandonment #OverFunctioningWomen #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreadsPodcast

Dating after divorce as a man can feel like you’ve become a wholedifferent person — steadier, easier to be with. Here’s the honest why. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━WORK WITH LESLIE 1:1 → Book a private, no-pressure discovery call:[1:1 COACHING DISCOVERY CALL — confirm booking URL]The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.comTherapy (FL clients): https://loomlifetherapy.comLeslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ In this For the Boys episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turnedcoach — unpacks why the same man can be “the disappointment” in onerelationship and a “safe harbor” in the next. It isn’t your characterthat changed; it’s the container. We get honest about the realdifferences between being a boyfriend, a husband, and a husband withkids in the mix — plus the question most men skip right past: do youactually want to be a stepfather? Drawing on research from the GottmanInstitute, Esther Perel, and leading stepfamily experts, this is agrounded, shame-free look at choosing your next relationship with youreyes wide open. WHAT WE GET INTO:• Why a new relationship feels “lighter” — what’s real vs. honeymoon• The pursue–withdraw pattern and how good people get stuck in it• Dating a woman with kids, by the age of her children• Why blended families take years (not months) — and why that’s normal• Permission to choose the role you actually want CHAPTERS (timestamps are estimates — verify against final edit)00:00 Intro — boyfriend, husband, stepdad: what this episode is02:00 The paradox: the disappointment in one story, the safe harbor in another04:00 What actually changed — the container, not your character08:00 The pursue–withdraw pattern (Gottman Institute)11:00 Boyfriend vs. husband: the weight the words carry (Esther Perel)12:00 Remarriage as an “incomplete institution” (Andrew Cherlin)14:00 Is it real, or the honeymoon phase? What the research says17:00 Dating a woman with kids — by the age of her children20:00 The blended-family fantasy vs. reality (Papernow & Bray)22:00 Do you actually want to be a stepfather? Removing the shame28:00 Other shapes a committed relationship can take31:00 Choosing your next container with your eyes wide open34:00 Honesty, and the one early conversation — plus how to work with Leslie MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:• Gottman Institute — the pursue–withdraw pattern• Esther Perel — desire and the need for space• Andrew Cherlin — remarriage as an “incomplete institution”• Dr. Patricia Papernow & James Bray — stepfamily research RELATED EPISODE:• Keeping the “honeymoon” feeling alive long-term: [COMPANION EPISODE — confirm URL] A NOTE OF SUPPORT:Divorce and rebuilding can be heavy. If you’re struggling, you don’thave to carry it alone — in the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide& Crisis Lifeline), any time, day or night. KEYWORDS: dating after divorce for men, life coach for men afterdivorce, boyfriend vs husband, should I be a stepdad, blended familyadvice, men’s personal growth after divorce, relationship coaching formen, healing after divorce, stepfamily research, how men heal afterbreakup #ForTheBoys #DatingAfterDivorce #MensMentalHealth #BlendedFamily #RelationshipCoaching

KEEP THE SPARK: STAYING SECURE AND DESIROUS The honeymoon phase fades for almost everyone — but the spark doesn’t have to. In this solo episode, Leslie Mathews unpacks what early passion is really made of and how to stay both secure AND desirous for the long haul. ➤ Work with Leslie 1:1 (individuals & couples): [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK]➤ The Loom Life: https://theloomlife.com➤ Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com | Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com➤ Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews ──────────IN THIS EPISODE We usually treat the honeymoon phase like a single fuel that burns out. Leslie makes the case that early intensity is actually two strands braided together — real love, and a quieter, more anxious wish to secure someone who doesn’t yet feel like yours. Understanding that difference changes what it means when the fireworks quiet down. Drawing on her own three-year relationship, the neuroscience of new love (dopamine, norepinephrine, the serotonin dip), gender differences in bonding, and the work of Esther Perel and the Gottmans, Leslie explains why calm is not the end of desire — and is often the sign that something is finally right. She also takes an honest, careful look at how the honeymoon phase shows up in coercive and abusive relationships: love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma bonds — and how to tell a bond that’s maturing from a cycle that’s repeating. Then the question she cares about most: can you keep the good of the honeymoon phase alive on purpose? Her answer is yes — through your own regulation and healing work, protecting the space that keeps each person whole, and “chosen reaching” instead of fear-driven reaching. ⏱ CHAPTERS (timestamps approximate — confirm against final edit)00:00 The feeling that never left02:00 What the honeymoon phase is really made of07:30 Two strands: real love + the wish to secure08:00 Why men and women fall on different timelines16:30 The brain on new love — and why it fades18:00 From the chemistry of pursuit to the chemistry of attachment21:00 When the spark quiets: love leaving, or fear?22:30 “The threat felt like desire” — Esther Perel23:30 The honeymoon phase in coercive & abusive relationships27:00 Trauma bonds & intermittent reinforcement30:00 Love wants closeness, desire wants distance32:00 Why security and mystery need each other34:30 Keeping the spark alive on purpose: the three pieces37:00 Chosen reaching & the unglamorous work of staying39:00 You don’t have to trade the spark for safety SUPPORTThis episode discusses coercive relationships and trauma bonds. If you’re experiencing abuse, you’re not alone — the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Additional trauma-bond resources are on theloomlife.com. Keywords: honeymoon phase, keeping the spark alive, secure attachment, anxious attachment, attachment styles and relationships, chemistry vs compatibility, keeping desire in a long-term relationship, Esther Perel desire, love bombing, trauma bonds, relationship coaching, mental health podcast for women #RelationshipPodcast #KeepTheSpark #SecureAttachment #HoneymoonPhase #TheLoomLife