Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

If years of over-functioning have left you feeling checked out, numb, or disconnected from your own life, this episode is for you. Sex therapist and intimacy coach Dr. Tabitha Taylor joins Leslie to talk about what it really means to reclaim intimacy from the inside out — and why it starts with you, not your partner.🌿 Ready to feel like yourself again after divorce or a breakup?→ THROUGH — Leslie's 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram🌿 Grab Tabitha's free Gentle Reconnection Guide:→ https://drtabithataylor.comABOUT THIS EPISODEOver-functioning women often don't realize how far they've drifted from themselves until exhaustion, numbness, low libido, or a quiet sense of "I'm not really here" forces the question. In this conversation, Leslie and Dr. Tabitha Taylor unpack the quiet cost of self-abandonment — and how reconnection can be a gentle, micro-moment process rather than another performance to perfect.Together they explore why intimacy is so much more than physical, what "reclaiming intimacy from the inside out" actually means, and how trust and safety within yourself are the real foundation for trust and safety with a partner. Leslie shares her own embodiment story — including the EMDR moment at 47 when she realized she was feeling sensation in her body for the first time — and the post-divorce period of self-discovery that changed everything about how she experiences intimacy now.Whether you're in a relationship that's drifted into autopilot, walking through a divorce or breakup, or in the in-between period of rediscovering who you are, this episode is an invitation to come home to yourself.IN THIS EPISODEWhat "living checked out" looks like — and the early signs of disconnectionWhy self-abandonment is invisible to the person doing itHow over-functioning trains your nervous system into numbnessWhat reclaiming intimacy from the inside out really meansWhy trust and safety within yourself comes before trust with a partnerThe difference between performing intimacy and being present in itHow to start with micro-moments instead of another self-improvement checklistSelf-pleasure, anatomy education, and reclaiming pleasure post-divorceWhy becoming connected can change — or end — relationships, and why that's okayWORK WITH LESLIE🌿 THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram🌿 1:1 coaching & discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com🌿 Therapy services: https://loomlifetherapy.com🌿 Leslie's website: https://leslieellenmathews.comCONNECT WITH LESLIE🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life🌿 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathewsABOUT TABITHA TAYLORDr. Tabitha Taylor is a Licensed Professional Counselor, certified sex therapist, and intimacy coach. She helps over-functioning women heal from disconnection, self-abandonment, and living checked out — reclaiming intimacy from the inside out through nervous system healing, reconnection, and self-led intimacy. She also hosts the podcast Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out.CONNECT WITH TABITHA🌿 Website: https://drtabithataylor.com🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/drtabtaylor🌿 Facebook: Tab Taylor Coaching🌿 Coaching group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/drtabcoaching🌿 Email: drtab@drtabcoaching.com🌿 Free Gentle Reconnection Guide: available at https://drtabithataylor.com🌿 Tabitha's podcast: Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside OutRESOURCES MENTIONED🌿 OMGYes.com — anatomy and pleasure education referenced in the conversation🌿 Sex With Emily — podcast referenced by Leslie🌿 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) — Leslie's mindfulness trainingSUBSCRIBE TO PULLING THREADS, WEAVING AUTHENTICITYIf this conversation resonated, please subscribe, rate, and share. New episodes weekly.TIMESTAMP00:00 Introduction01:34 Intimacy Is More Than Sex04:52 What Intimacy Really Means06:13 Signs of Self-Disconnection09:20 Self-Abandonment12:10 Reconnecting with Yourself15:08 Choosing Yourself Without Guilt17:10 Reclaiming Intimacy20:18 The Divorce Glow Up22:12 Staying Connected Daily24:02 Why We Disconnect26:41 When You Change, Relationships Change30:31 Body Awareness & Intimacy35:35 Mindfulness & Embodiment40:46 Simple Reconnection Practices42:10 Knowing Your Body44:15 Trust & Vulnerability47:27 Presence Over Performance50:12 Why Pleasure Feels Difficult53:00 Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce56:28 Rediscovering Yourself59:00 Tabitha's Work01:03:34 Final Thoughts and ClosingKEYWORDSreclaiming intimacy, self-abandonment, over-functioning women, disconnection, living checked out, self-connection, intimacy after divorce, women's pleasure, nervous system healing, somatic healing, divorce recovery, self-pleasure, embodiment, women's mental health#ReclaimingIntimacy #SelfAbandonment #OverFunctioningWomen #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreadsPodcast

Dating after divorce as a man can feel like you’ve become a wholedifferent person — steadier, easier to be with. Here’s the honest why. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━WORK WITH LESLIE 1:1 → Book a private, no-pressure discovery call:[1:1 COACHING DISCOVERY CALL — confirm booking URL]The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.comTherapy (FL clients): https://loomlifetherapy.comLeslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ In this For the Boys episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turnedcoach — unpacks why the same man can be “the disappointment” in onerelationship and a “safe harbor” in the next. It isn’t your characterthat changed; it’s the container. We get honest about the realdifferences between being a boyfriend, a husband, and a husband withkids in the mix — plus the question most men skip right past: do youactually want to be a stepfather? Drawing on research from the GottmanInstitute, Esther Perel, and leading stepfamily experts, this is agrounded, shame-free look at choosing your next relationship with youreyes wide open. WHAT WE GET INTO:• Why a new relationship feels “lighter” — what’s real vs. honeymoon• The pursue–withdraw pattern and how good people get stuck in it• Dating a woman with kids, by the age of her children• Why blended families take years (not months) — and why that’s normal• Permission to choose the role you actually want CHAPTERS (timestamps are estimates — verify against final edit)00:00 Intro — boyfriend, husband, stepdad: what this episode is02:00 The paradox: the disappointment in one story, the safe harbor in another04:00 What actually changed — the container, not your character08:00 The pursue–withdraw pattern (Gottman Institute)11:00 Boyfriend vs. husband: the weight the words carry (Esther Perel)12:00 Remarriage as an “incomplete institution” (Andrew Cherlin)14:00 Is it real, or the honeymoon phase? What the research says17:00 Dating a woman with kids — by the age of her children20:00 The blended-family fantasy vs. reality (Papernow & Bray)22:00 Do you actually want to be a stepfather? Removing the shame28:00 Other shapes a committed relationship can take31:00 Choosing your next container with your eyes wide open34:00 Honesty, and the one early conversation — plus how to work with Leslie MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:• Gottman Institute — the pursue–withdraw pattern• Esther Perel — desire and the need for space• Andrew Cherlin — remarriage as an “incomplete institution”• Dr. Patricia Papernow & James Bray — stepfamily research RELATED EPISODE:• Keeping the “honeymoon” feeling alive long-term: [COMPANION EPISODE — confirm URL] A NOTE OF SUPPORT:Divorce and rebuilding can be heavy. If you’re struggling, you don’thave to carry it alone — in the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide& Crisis Lifeline), any time, day or night. KEYWORDS: dating after divorce for men, life coach for men afterdivorce, boyfriend vs husband, should I be a stepdad, blended familyadvice, men’s personal growth after divorce, relationship coaching formen, healing after divorce, stepfamily research, how men heal afterbreakup #ForTheBoys #DatingAfterDivorce #MensMentalHealth #BlendedFamily #RelationshipCoaching

KEEP THE SPARK: STAYING SECURE AND DESIROUS The honeymoon phase fades for almost everyone — but the spark doesn’t have to. In this solo episode, Leslie Mathews unpacks what early passion is really made of and how to stay both secure AND desirous for the long haul. ➤ Work with Leslie 1:1 (individuals & couples): [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK]➤ The Loom Life: https://theloomlife.com➤ Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com | Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com➤ Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews ──────────IN THIS EPISODE We usually treat the honeymoon phase like a single fuel that burns out. Leslie makes the case that early intensity is actually two strands braided together — real love, and a quieter, more anxious wish to secure someone who doesn’t yet feel like yours. Understanding that difference changes what it means when the fireworks quiet down. Drawing on her own three-year relationship, the neuroscience of new love (dopamine, norepinephrine, the serotonin dip), gender differences in bonding, and the work of Esther Perel and the Gottmans, Leslie explains why calm is not the end of desire — and is often the sign that something is finally right. She also takes an honest, careful look at how the honeymoon phase shows up in coercive and abusive relationships: love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma bonds — and how to tell a bond that’s maturing from a cycle that’s repeating. Then the question she cares about most: can you keep the good of the honeymoon phase alive on purpose? Her answer is yes — through your own regulation and healing work, protecting the space that keeps each person whole, and “chosen reaching” instead of fear-driven reaching. ⏱ CHAPTERS (timestamps approximate — confirm against final edit)00:00 The feeling that never left02:00 What the honeymoon phase is really made of07:30 Two strands: real love + the wish to secure08:00 Why men and women fall on different timelines16:30 The brain on new love — and why it fades18:00 From the chemistry of pursuit to the chemistry of attachment21:00 When the spark quiets: love leaving, or fear?22:30 “The threat felt like desire” — Esther Perel23:30 The honeymoon phase in coercive & abusive relationships27:00 Trauma bonds & intermittent reinforcement30:00 Love wants closeness, desire wants distance32:00 Why security and mystery need each other34:30 Keeping the spark alive on purpose: the three pieces37:00 Chosen reaching & the unglamorous work of staying39:00 You don’t have to trade the spark for safety SUPPORTThis episode discusses coercive relationships and trauma bonds. If you’re experiencing abuse, you’re not alone — the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Additional trauma-bond resources are on theloomlife.com. Keywords: honeymoon phase, keeping the spark alive, secure attachment, anxious attachment, attachment styles and relationships, chemistry vs compatibility, keeping desire in a long-term relationship, Esther Perel desire, love bombing, trauma bonds, relationship coaching, mental health podcast for women #RelationshipPodcast #KeepTheSpark #SecureAttachment #HoneymoonPhase #TheLoomLife

Divorce doesn’t just end a marriage — it shakes your nervous system, your finances, and your sense of self. In this episode of Pulling Threads, therapist Kimberly McNary, LMFT, and host Leslie Mathews talk through how to move through divorce with clarity and steadiness instead of being run by panic.Kimberly is the founder of The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce and uses EMDR and Emotionally Focused Therapy to help women navigate the emotional landscape of divorce. Together they unpack the surprises no one prepares you for, the early emotional decisions that cost women later, why you absolutely can do EMDR while you’re in the thick of it, and what it really means to stay “classy” (hint: it’s more sassy than polite).———READY TO GET THROUGH YOUR DIVORCE — WHOLE?THROUGH is Leslie’s structured divorce coaching program for women who want to come out the other side regulated, clear, and steady. Learn more & enroll: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogramCONNECT WITH LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE→ Coaching & podcast: https://theloomlife.com→ Therapy (Florida clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com→ Leslie’s personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com→ Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathewsCHAPTERS00:00 Welcome & meet Kimberly McNary02:20 From couples therapy to becoming a divorce therapist05:20 Can relationships heal after betrayal?08:10 Kimberly's own divorce and what it taught her10:55 The shame of being a marriage therapist going through divorce13:20 The moments only someone who's lived divorce understands15:50 Financial fears, keeping the house & thinking beyond survival20:00 Why divorce support should be about more than legal advice20:45 Leslie's first experience with dating after divorce24:00 Timing, healing & reconnecting when you're both ready26:00 How to know you're truly ready to date again28:00 Dating from fear vs. dating from self-worth30:00 Dating apps, honesty & protecting your children33:00 Divorce with adult children and the "wait until they're grown" myth36:00 Why healing after divorce can't be rushed39:30 The hidden grief of divorce and rebuilding your identity43:30 Trauma, EMDR & helping your nervous system heal48:30 Childhood wounds that shape adult relationships56:00 Learning to trust yourself again1:04:00 Boundaries, co-parenting & protecting your peace1:14:00 Building a life that finally feels like your own1:18:00 Final thoughts & where to connect with KimberlyEmpower women through divorce and breakup transitions, drawing on EFT, EMDR, and her own lived experience. She practices in San Diego, CA.→ Website: https://kimberlymcnary.comABOUT KIMBERLY McNARY, LMFTKimberly McNary is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 17+ years of experience supporting relationships and personal growth. She founded The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce. → Instagram: @classygirlsguidetodivorce & @mcnarytherapy→ Facebook: McNary Therapy & The Classy Girl’s Guide to Divorce→ LinkedIn: search “Kimberly McNary”A NOTE OF SUPPORTThis conversation touches on emotional abuse, trauma, and nervous-system overwhelm. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to navigate it alone. In the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788). Support is available 24/7.#PullingThreads #DivorceRecovery #EMDRTherapy #DivorceSupportForWomen #ClassyGirlsGuideToDivorce

What does it actually look like to leave a life that looks good on paper — a 20-year marriage, a competitive athletic identity, a familiar world — and rebuild from scratch in your 50s?In this episode of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity, Leslie sits down with Jen Rulon — midlife transformation coach, TEDx speaker, 15-time Ironman finisher, and Kona qualifier — who walked away from her marriage, her career identity, and her relationship with alcohol, then moved alone to Costa Rica at 50.Jen and Leslie unpack what they both call "the slow unraveling" — the years of incremental leaving that happen long before anyone physically goes. They talk about how the body keeps score of a life that no longer fits, why high-achieving women keep performing instead of living, and what it actually takes to stop chasing finish lines and start trusting yourself.--TIMESTAMP--00:00 – Introduction to Jen Rulon02:08 – Leaving a life that looked perfect07:46 – The year everything changed10:19 – Letting go of a 30-year identity12:05 – The Costa Rica trip that changed everything13:00 – Her last drink and a new perspective16:35 – Marriage counseling and uncertainty18:18 – Rebuilding purpose and helping women21:04 – Awakening, questioning, and change24:00 – Trusting instead of forcing29:11 – Choosing herself for the first time30:02 – Realizing she was running from her marriage33:25 – Separation and moving toward divorce35:35 – Saying, “I want a divorce”36:26 – Moving to Costa Rica39:49 – The power of saying it out loud41:08 – Performing a life vs. living one43:00 – Why women avoid the inner work46:25 – Childhood wounds and relationships47:47 – What she truly wanted beneath success50:07 – How inner work changes relationships54:24 – Trauma bonds, loneliness, and fear56:02 – Trusting yourself after divorce58:05 – Jen’s Four Pillars: Movement, Metabolism, Mindset & Meaning59:53 – Stress, cortisol, and relationships1:00:29 – Meditation and nervous system regulation1:03:58 – When relationships hold you back1:05:57 – “I finally know who I am”1:06:58 – Finding support and community1:10:47 – Working with Jen1:13:18 – Rise With The Tides Retreat1:15:30 – Life after divorce1:16:40 – There is life after the change you're afraid to make▶ WORK WITH LESLIETHROUGH — 8-week divorce recovery coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 coaching, podcast, and resources: https://theloomlife.com▶ CONNECT WITH JEN RULONWebsite: https://jenrulon.comFree Rise Strong Blueprint: https://jenrulon.myflodesk.com/blueprintInstagram: @coachjenrulonTikTok: @coachjenrulonLinkedIn: Jen RulonMemoir releasing 11/11/2026▶ IN THIS EPISODE• Why "the leaving" happens long before you physically go• Stacy Sims, perimenopause, and the moment Jen decided her last Ironman• Getting sober in December 2019 — and what came into focus once the mask came off• Asking for a trial separation, then asking for a divorce• Moving to Costa Rica alone at 50 — and what her family thought• Masculine and feminine energy, and why so many high-achieving women perform a life instead of living one• Jen's four pillars: Movement, Metabolism, Mindset, Meaning• Trauma bonds, the fear of loneliness, and why the fear is usually worse than the reality• Why finding people who match your energy is non-negotiable▶ THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IFYou're a woman in midlife who's done everything right and still finds yourself wondering, "Is this it?" You're navigating a divorce, sobriety, an empty nest, a career pivot — or you can feel the slow creep that you've been living someone else's life.▶ SUBSCRIBEHit subscribe so you never miss a Tuesday episode. If this conversation resonated, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it genuinely helps other women find this work.▶ FOLLOW THE LOOM LIFEInstagram: @the.loom.lifeTikTok: @leslieellenmathewsWeb: https://theloomlife.com#midlifetransformation #divorcerecovery #startingover #sobriety #theloomlife

What if your burnout isn't a personal failure — but a systemic one? Award-winning journalist Stefanie O'Connell joins Leslie to unpack The Ambition Penalty.📕 Get Stefanie's book: https://tooambitious.com/book/💧 Ready to move through your divorce with structure and support? Explore THROUGH, Leslie's 8-week coaching program → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram──────────────In this conversation, Stefanie pulls back the curtain on what the research actually shows about why women — across industries, identities, and life stages — are still systematically held back at work and at home. Her book draws on more than 450 academic citations to dismantle the most persistent myth in modern gender inequality: that women just need to lean in harder, negotiate better, or believe in themselves more.Leslie and Stefanie talk about the data on backlash against women who ask for raises, the 30+ identity characteristics that get weaponized against women in hiring decisions, why the home — not the office — is where most women's burnout actually originates, and the 400-hour-per-year personal leisure gap between U.S. men and women. They also unpack the quiet shift from collective empowerment to individualistic self-help, why the pay gap hasn't budged in 20 years, and what a meaningful collective response actually looks like.This is essential listening for any woman who is over being overworked — but not over her ambition.─── Timestamps ───00:00 Introduction to Stefanie O'Connell01:15 From theater to financial journalism04:14 The myth that women lack ambition06:30 Why the research has been hiding in plain sight07:01 When negotiating backfires for women09:24 The hidden biases keeping women out of leadership12:20 Why ambition is viewed differently in men and women15:05 The importance of examining our own biases15:53 What surprised Stefanie most in the data16:30 The unpaid labor gap and women's burnout18:45 Leslie shares her personal career and marriage story22:08 How family dynamics shape workplace culture24:39 The invisible workload of stay-at-home mothers26:00 Choosing a partner who supports your ambitions27:00 Why community support matters more than ever28:27 The danger of turning systemic problems into personal failures30:45 Why collective solutions create lasting change34:40 Entrepreneurship, coaching, and gender bias36:50 Why women are often judged differently when charging for their expertise38:00 Building resilience through community and collective action39:30 Modeling healthy relationships and ambition for our children41:40 The loneliness epidemic and rebuilding connection44:00 Why data matters in conversations about women’s experiences45:30 The gaslighting women experience around work and ambition46:50 What meaningful collective action actually looks like48:00 Why progress on the pay gap has stalled50:20 The growing hostility toward women in the workplace52:35 A message for ambitious women who feel exhausted53:35 Building community instead of carrying shame54:05 Where to find Stefanie and her book55:00 Final reflections and closing thoughts──────────────🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADSPulling Threads with Leslie Mathews is a podcast about untangling the patterns, stories, and systems that keep us stuck — and weaving something more authentic in their place. New episodes weekly.🌐 Connect with Leslie:• Website: https://theloomlife.com• Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com• Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews📕 Connect with Stefanie O'Connell:• Book — The Ambition Penalty: https://tooambitious.com/book/• Substack (Too Ambitious): https://tooambitious.substack.com/• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stefanieoconnell/• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@stefaniemoconnell──────────────If this episode resonated, please leave a 5-star rating and share it with one woman in your life who needs to hear it.#TheAmbitionPenalty #WomenAndWork #PullingThreadsPodcast #BurnoutRecovery #StefanieOConnell

Touch hunger is the loneliness no one warns divorced men about — when the isolation stops being emotional and becomes physical. (For the Boys, Round 10.)🧭 Work with Leslie 1:1. Book a free discovery call → [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK]Coaching: theloomlife.comLeslie: leslieellenmathews.comTherapy (FL): loomlifetherapy.com↓ SHOW MORE CUTOFF — keep everything above this line above the fold ↓In this episode, Leslie names something the men’s content space and even the therapy world tend to skip: touch hunger (or skin hunger) — the measurable, physical toll of going from a partner’s daily touch to none, sometimes overnight. She walks through what a touch-starved nervous system actually reaches for after divorce (rebound relationships, dating apps at midnight, alcohol, and the modern consolations), what the history and clinical research say about paid companionship and platonic touch therapy, and why most of it treats the symptom rather than the cause.Then she dreams out loud: what a real, trauma-informed concierge support structure for men in the first 12–18 months after a marriage ends could look like — and asks you to weigh in. This is a longer, no-compromises conversation, and your comments are the point.💬 A note on supportIf the loneliness has gotten heavy, you’re not weak and you’re not alone — reaching out is the strong move. In the U.S. you can call or text 988 anytime to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If you’re ready for steady, structured support through the season, the discovery call link above is a good first step.⏱️ CHAPTERS (timestamps estimated — see verification note)0:00 What this episode is (and why it goes there)2:00 Touch hunger / skin hunger: what your nervous system is doing4:00 Why the touch disappeared overnight5:00 What men reach for first: rebound, apps, alcohol, the ex6:00 OnlyFans and parasocial intimacy: renting a partner9:00 Sugar-baby / arrangement apps and the hidden cost11:00 A short history of paid companionship14:00 How other countries handle this — and what the research says16:00 Professional cuddling / platonic touch therapy19:00 Medicine or anesthesia? The judgment is in the use20:00 A dream: a concierge support structure for men23:00 Why virtual-only and clean boundaries are a feature26:00 A men’s track vs. a women’s track — and a question for you🔗 ConnectInstagram: @the.loom.lifeTikTok: @leslieellenmathews▶️ Related from For the BoysRound 7 — the disclosure relationship (referenced in this episode): [INSERT EP 7 URL]Keywords: touch hunger, skin hunger, loneliness after divorce, men’s mental health, life coach for men after divorce, coping with divorce loneliness, how men heal after breakup, men’s personal growth after divorce#ForTheBoys #DivorceRecovery #MensMentalHealth #LonelinessAfterDivorce #PullingThreads

What happens when the systems that raised you also silenced you? In this episode, memoirist and survivor advocate Kate Johnson joins Leslie to talk about religious trauma, purity culture, and the long road of finding your voice after a lifetime of being told to stay quiet.Kate grew up a pastor's daughter inside the PCA evangelical church, where Calvinist teachings around "total depravity" merged with authoritarian parenting to create a childhood organized around shame, obedience, and performance. When her family was placed on the sex offender registry, she learned a second, deeper lesson: her safety lay in her silence. This conversation traces what it took to undo that — through writing, embodiment, estrangement, anger, and the slow reclaiming of identity.Whether you're deconstructing your faith, healing from purity culture, navigating estrangement, or just trying to reconnect with your own voice after years of self-silencing — this one is for you.─── WORK WITH LESLIE ───THROUGH — 8-week divorce recovery program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 Coaching & Therapy: https://theloomlife.comBook a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com─── CONNECT WITH KATE ───Substack (Quips & Confessionals): https://katejohnsonwrites.substack.comInstagram: @katejohnsonwritesTikTok: @katejohnsonwritesThreads: @katejohnsonwritesBluesky: @katejohnsonwrites─── CHAPTERS ───00:00 Welcome & introducing Kate02:30 Trapeze as healing & reclaiming the inner child06:30 Growing up a pastor's daughter (PCA & Calvinism)11:00 "You are bad" — how religious shame forms core beliefs13:30 Parenting across generations: authoritarian to conscious18:30 Why kids in divorce need their own therapist23:30 Voice as savior: from buried to spoken25:30 The sex offender registry: when silence becomes safety30:00 What most people don't understand about the registry35:30 Why women stay: shame, survival & "Conjuring the Hurricane"42:00 Family courts, custody & protecting children46:30 Purity culture, bisexuality & leaving evangelicalism51:30 Estrangement, boundaries & what repentance really means55:30 Embodiment, grounding & coming home to the body59:30 Reiki, The Artist's Way & reconnecting to creativity1:03:00 Anger as a signal & reclaiming identity1:08:00 Quips & Confessionals: humor as reclamation1:12:00 Final message: trust your body, use your voice─── FOLLOW THE LOOM LIFE ───Website: https://theloomlife.comTherapy: https://loomlifetherapy.comLeslie's site: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram: @the.loom.lifeTikTok: @leslieellenmathews─── DISCLAIMER ───This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact a licensed provider or call/text 988 in the U.S.Keywords: religious trauma podcast, purity culture recovery, evangelical deconstruction, healing religious trauma, pastor's daughter, finding your voice, embodiment after trauma, complex PTSD, mental health podcast for women, trauma healing stories podcast#ReligiousTrauma #HealingAfterTrauma #IdentityWork #SelfTrust #PullingThreads

If she left and you never saw it coming, you’re not broken — and you’re not alone. Book a free discovery call → theloomlife.comIn this “For the Boys” episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach — unpacks one of the most common experiences divorced men share in private: “I didn’t see it coming.” Meanwhile, on the other side of that sentence, his wife is certain she’d been telling him for years. How can both be true?Around 65–75% of U.S. divorces are initiated by women, and the number climbs in the “gray divorce” (over-40s and over-50s) demographic. Leslie researched what’s actually happening underneath the so-called “walk-away wife” phenomenon — and found five dynamics that explain the blindsiding, with respect for both sides.This isn’t about blame. It’s about turning a confusing loss into a knowable pattern you can understand, grieve, and — if you choose — do differently next time. Whether you’re post-divorce or still inside a marriage you want to save, this conversation gives you language and a way forward.Inside this episode:The Complaint–Decision Asymmetry — why the day her complaining stopped was the loudest signal, not peaceSelective hearing and the avoidant nervous system — how years of “I’m not happy” register as background noiseThe cultural script that treated logistics as love — and mistook structure for substanceHearing vs. taking seriously — the hardest one, and the difference that quietly ends marriagesGrief asymmetry — why she can seem “cold” when she’s actually already finished grievingPlus: what to do now — the one question to ask if you’re still in your marriage, and how to become a different kind of listener.→ Work with Leslie (1:1 coaching): theloomlife.com→ Florida therapy clients: loomlifetherapy.com→ Book a free discovery call: [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK — see verification box]This is part of a three-episode set for men. Listen alongside Episode 6 (anger and the grief underneath it) and Episode 7 (men and friendships / building support). They can be heard in any order.Connect with Leslie:Websites: theloomlife.com · loomlifetherapy.com · leslieellenmathews.comInstagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathewsIf section four landed for you, drop a comment — other men are reading, and they need to know they’re not alone.#DivorceForMen #GrayDivorce #DivorceRecovery #MensMentalHealth #LifeAfterDivorce00:00 Welcome — “I didn’t see it coming”02:00 How both things can be true (Leslie’s own divorce)03:30 The stats: women initiate 65–75% of divorces04:00 The “walk-away wife” phenomenon — used carefully07:00 This isn’t blame: what to know before the five08:00 #1 The Complaint–Decision Asymmetry11:00 #2 Selective hearing & the avoidant nervous system12:30 #3 The cultural script: logistics vs. feeling14:30 #4 Hearing vs. taking it seriously18:30 #5 Grief asymmetry — why she seems “cold”20:30 What to do: recognition without shame21:30 The grief work + Episodes 6 & 723:00 Still in the marriage? Ask the separate question24:00 Real compromise: meeting needs without losing yourself27:00 Post-divorce: become a different kind of listener28:30 Closing & how to work with Leslie

Why do we keep choosing partners who hurt us? In this episode, mental health advocate and author Petrona Joseph joins Leslie to unpack trauma bonds, unsafe love, and the abandonment wound that drives the loop.▶ WORK WITH LESLIE8-week divorce recovery program — THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram1:1 coaching with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com▶ ABOUT THIS EPISODEPetrona Joseph spent years pushing through panic attacks, depression, and a 17-year on-and-off relationship she now recognizes as a trauma bond. In this conversation she shares the moment her anxiety stopped her on a bridge in rush hour, why she resisted antidepressants for a decade, and how a primary caregiver's absence early in life shaped the unsafe partners she kept choosing as an adult.Leslie and Petrona dig into the neuroscience of trauma bonds (why they feel exactly like love), what "closing the loop" of a childhood wound actually looks like in adult relationships, and why most men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s still don't have a single safe person to talk to. This one is for anyone who has watched themselves return — over and over — to a person who keeps hurting them, and is starting to wonder if it's something deeper than love.▶ WHAT YOU'LL LEARNWhy trauma bonds get mistaken for love — and the biological reason the pull is so strongHow an abandonment wound from childhood shapes who you're attracted to as an adultThe difference between an unsafe person and someone who is just imperfectWhat it looked like for Petrona to finally accept a depression diagnosis after years of resistanceWhy "experiential" mental health advocacy matters alongside clinical expertiseThe state of men's mental health and why most men have no safe people▶ ABOUT THE GUESTPetrona Joseph is an award-winning Communications Strategist, Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award recipient, and MHFA-certified Mental Health Workshop Facilitator. A trilingual Concordia University graduate in Linguistics, she is the author of Stigmatized: Demystifying Mental Health Illness and the upcoming Unsafe Love: Healing From Trauma Bonds, Betrayal, and Unsafe Attachment. Through Above Healing and Wellness, she has reached over 10,000 people across North America with workshops on resilience and early intervention.Timestamp:00:00 Welcome Petrona Joseph02:10 Thinking in French and growing up multilingual05:05 From Trinidad to Grenada, New York, and Montreal08:20 Ambition, law school, and ignoring mental health13:30 Luxury cars, PR, TV, and finding a new path19:45 Becoming “the annoying best friend” in PR22:00 Anxiety attacks and the beginning of advocacy30:10 The bridge panic attack that changed everything36:20 Accepting medication and getting support43:00 Healing is not a one-time fix49:30 When anxiety affects everyday life56:00 Going public about panic attacks1:02:00 Writing about depression and mental health1:08:00 Unsafe Love and trauma bonds1:15:30 Why trauma bonds feel like love1:24:00 Childhood wounds and repeating patterns1:33:30 Attachment, abandonment, and trying to close the loop1:43:00 When relationships become a place for healing1:56:00 What secure love and repair can look like2:10:00 Building psychologically safe relationships and cultures2:18:30 Becoming a safe person after unsafe patterns2:28:00 Mental health crisis support and men’s mental health2:40:00 Why men need safe spaces too2:52:00 Petrona’s books and where to find her2:57:00 Closing reflections and goodbyeFollow Petrona on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iampetronajoseph▶ CONNECT WITH LESLIEWebsite: https://theloomlife.comTherapy practice: https://loomlifetherapy.comPersonal site: https://leslieellenmathews.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.lifeTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews▶ IF THIS EPISODE HELPEDSubscribe, leave a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, and share this episode with someone you think needs to hear it. Reviews are how new listeners find the show.#TraumaBonds #UnsafeLove #MentalHealthPodcast #DivorceRecovery #AbandonmentWound #AvoidantAttachment #PullingThreads